Anathema
Have you known or do you know anyone that has been vehemently denunciated?
Anathema(noun) is defined as something or someone who is greatly detested; a thing or person that is accursed or damned. The second definition of the word is used in reference to heresy and excommunication. You will find it used in the halls of ecclesiastical institutions, specifically the vatican. Its definition here is a formal curse by a pope or a council of the church excommunicating a person or denouncing a doctrine; a solemn ecclesiastical condemnation of a teaching judged to be gravely opposed to accepted church doctrine or of the originators or supporters of such a teaching. So what it comes down to is it is a curse.
In answer to the question, I know someone who was cursed. I was! You will be surprised at who did this dastardly deed. It was my dad and I was 10 years old. Just a kid! I tend to give him a break and say that it was a moment of discipline and he did not mean it. He was frustrated because he had to deal with the fact that I have epilepsy and how would I make a living. Regardless, that is not something you say to a child. The sad part is it was not until I was 57 that I realized this was behind many of the issues that I have to deal with from day-to-day.
Just recently I heard a teaching on the fear of irrelevance. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Little did I know that I have been going through life trying to deal with the effects of what my dad said to me. I suppose you are wondering what my dad said to me, what was his curse? It was a Saturday afternoon and I had been playing with my sister. I was chasing my younger sister and she was screaming as I did so. My dad heard the screaming and called me outside where he was painting and told me to go sit on the bottom step of the staircase in the basement. When he was finished with what he was doing outside I was called upstairs and lectured at the kitchen table. He scolded me and he explained why he sent me down the basement. Dad talked and I listened. He then proceeded to say to me – “Sonny boy, you are never going to amount to a hill of beans”. Then, three breaths, later he says to me; ‘son you could be a good salesman’.
At that age and time, I did not have any idea what this meant and what it would do to my psyche. From that point on I was set up to search for who I was and make myself a name. Grades in school, going to church on Sundays with the family and being an usher and reader. In highschool, I was manager for three different sports. Basketball, baseball, track and field. This continued in college. Team manager for basketball, baseball, football and tennis. College was where things started to happen or started to bubble inside. I did not want to go home for the weekends. There was only one car in the family and my dad drove the car. I did not like it when my dad came to games to see me manage the team.
This went on like this even after college. Subconsciously, looking back, it seemed like the only way I could get attention from my dad was my epilepsy. Having seizures added a whole new dimension. I have always told myself that I would never use this as a crutch but I guess I have.
In his book, Man’s Search For Meaning, Victor Frankl tells the story of the Jew’s in the Nazi concentration camps and being put into the gas chambers causing many to die. He says “the only way to exist was to search for some type of meaning that would keep them alive.” This search for meaning could be exhuasting and leave one fatigued. What happens when you do not find wha you are looking for?
So then started my search for worth. Self worth. I wanted to accomplish things and be a person person of relevance. I wanted to be a man of distinction. I graduated from college with a bachlor of arts in physical education and did substituting for a number of years while working as a cashier in a local department store in the liquor department. The following summer I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal lord and saviour. I never really did much with that though. There were car problems (accidents and tickets) and I praise God that I am able to tell you about it. This search for significance, relevance, worth – is it worth it? This journey is one you cannot walk away from. It is a beast that is constantly nipping at your heels.
They say that some men find their identity in their job. I cannot count how many jobs I have had. Right now, my profession is massage therapy, I am a insurance producer and I work for a grocery store. Scrambling for worth and significance takes a lot of energy. Through all this I have learned that all my accomplishments take second to God’s message. Getting married was a spark that fired up my relationship with God. I went to a Promise Keepers event that blew me away with all the men. It was a mens only conference that filled Soldier Field Stadium in Chicago, IL.
Fast forward two decades, I started going to Bible Study Fellowship and it was at this time that I had brain surgury and heart surgery. Now I do my devotional everyday and spend time with God. I understand now that my worth comes from God. God determines my worth and I determine my destiny. My destiny is Paradise with my Saviour, Jesus Christ. In the eyes of God, I am a man of distinction.